Finding your tribe

I have felt for the majority of my life on the outside. Starting with family and extending into school. Thinking there was something wrong with me as I didn’t fit in. It wasn’t until I found a few friends that enjoyed the same things that I did, that I felt okay. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized being different is an asset not a liability. Just because family and friends didn’t “get me” didn’t mean there was anything wrong with me. They were just not my tribe. Yes, we can have friends that we enjoy their company and doing certain activities with, but I have so say they still might not be part of my tribe. People who truly get me and my uniqueness.

Doing some research on finding your tribe the first thing everyone says is know yourself. Do self-reflection. I think this is important. It wasn’t until I sat back and reflected on who I was – my values, morals, standards, what I will and won’t tolerate that I came to know me. That I am worth knowing. I will no longer be changing to fit in with what society deems normal. What is normal anyways and who defined that?

So how to find your tribe. After self-reflection. We should look at what is missing and what voids do we want filled? We can start by taking classes we are interested in. Don’t wait for a friend to take a class. People can say yes they are interested and pull out or never sign up. Don’t wait. If you are interested in pottery, dance, cooking, hiking, the list goes on! Sign up (yes alone) and take the class. Now you are in a class with people who want to be there. Remember to think like a beginner. It is okay to struggle, you are learning. No comparison to people who have been at it for years. Have fun, laugh. Get to know the people in the class. Be the first to introduce yourself.

Volunteering is another area to meet people. Not everyone you meet will be your tribe. I met a friend through volunteering. We both volunteered for a Christmas fundraiser. We arranged to meet for coffee one weekend and connected more. We found out we enjoy travel and the threatre. That lead to purchasing season tickets to the theatre. You just don’t know where things will lead. Have that coffee and get to know someone or two.

Put yourself out there. Shout out to friends and friends of friends if you want to go on a hike. Form a book club. Be the first to initiate an outing. Also check meetups in your area. Treat it as a reconnaissance mission. Check out groups, meetups and events you are interested in. You might pursue you might not, it is all good. Exploring is good. I have taken pottery and belly-dancing. I have enjoyed both classes, but won’t be pursuing. You never know. It is also good to check item off the list. No regrets I did that.

Then there is on-line. Yes, you can find your tribe on-line. I have participated in National Novel Writing Month. It is an on-line worldwide writing event in November. The site has a section for local areas to post events. I have found a core group of writers through this event. We have met in coffee shops and the library to write together. Before meeting them none of my friends got me when I talked about writing.

Check Facebook for groups you are interested in. Also check your local library (my favoriate place by the way). They often have classes.

Know your tribe doesn’t have to be a dozen people. One good friend that gets you – all of you – is good. It can take time. Start with knowing who you are and what you have to offer. No bending to please other people. As those people will never be our tribe. We all have something to offer. Don’t let others dim your light.

It is still a journey for me. I have different tribes for different things. My writing/blogging tribe. My travel/theatre tribe. Sometime they overlap or sometimes not. I want people who get me warts and all. Where I feel safe expressing me and I can listen and make a safe place for others.

You can always start now!

13 thoughts on “Finding your tribe

  1. I could call my friends my tribe. They’re not all in the same circle but they are a great support to me in everything I do, including my writing. However, they don’t want to have in-depth conversations with me about my writing and that’s okay. They’re not interested in; show don’t tell, adverbs, redundant words etc!
    I depend on my on-line friends for that. A couple of years ago I set up a novel writing group on Meetup. It had a few members, but only one person, a Norwegian lady, turned up for our face to face meetings. We got on really well but unfortunately she was only in Ireland for a few months and had to leave. I missed our little chats.
    The NanoWrMo local meetings I’m afraid weren’t local enough for me.
    Although I will check them out again this year.
    I just wish I had that writing buddy who lives close who I could meet for coffee and writing talk!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much for sharing this post and your thoughts. I can relate to everything you have said. I too have felt like an outsider all my life and struggled to find my people. It’s so important what you said about putting yourself out there and doing things you want to regardless of whether anyone wants to join you or not. I often felt like being different meant there was something wrong with me but it’s only been the last year or so where I’ve embraced my differences, become happier in my own skin and less affected by the opinion of others who can’t relate to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tell people weird and different are positive words! It takes work to be comfortable in your own skin and to own you. We give people too much power and worry about things we have no control over. So yes girl to being you. Doing our things regardless if anyone else is around or watching. Life is for living without regrets!


  3. I’ve always been alone. Looking at friends Facebook pages sharing photos of their birthday parties with me missing highlights this. I look at my daughter now, she is me. She has one friend and that one friend does not treat her very well. I’ve always struggled with friendships, I maybe have one friend now, one who I talk to daily. (Plus my husband)
    Finding your tribe is hard and I’m still trying to accept me for me. Good post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I read book Belonging and it was an eye opener. It said my family isn’t necessarily my tribe. They might not “get met”. I always thought something was wrong with me. There isn’t. They just don’t get me – I’m outside their norm. This is fine but it took a long time to feel worthy that there wasn’t something wrong with me. I agree we have to accept ourselves first – look inside before looking outside. Maybe be the person or friend to ourselves we would to someone else. I do believe we radiate what we are feeling and that can attract or repel. Self-acceptance is the place to start. Keep being you – you are worth it.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you, wise words! im definately outside of my family, they don’t understand me at all. i often feel there is something wrong with me. Today i finished work at 9pm and my mum was on the phone angry at 8pm because I wasn’t there for her,, im selfish.. I have kids and a husband that need me and I was at home working.. Life can be very hard and yes self acceptance really is a good place to start, thankyou!


  4. Pingback: Creating a tribe – an experiment – You can always start now

  5. Really got me thinking, great post. I’m similar to how you describe yourself, a little bit quirky and not quite fitting in. I have various groups of people for different things. So friends I enjoy certain activities, and ones for others say. I then have just one or two people that really are my tribe. Although I also have my online community/tribe. When studying art at uni I thought that’s where my tribe would be, but then most of us have lost touch. So that wasn’t my tribe.


    1. Your tribe can be small. I agree I do think we have different roles for various people. I know I do. I don’t consider when I’m in a “role” and around those people that they are my tribe. As not really totally me. If that makes sense. Friends yes but don’t totally get me. Glad for on-line connections as can have these conversations with people outside the box which we both are girl!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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