Just what I needed to hear

I’m sure we have all been there.  Ruminating over things not under our control.  Giving away our power and our time to someone, something, whatever, that doesn’t care or we can’t change no matter what is said or actions we do.

I’ve had a few of situations come up this week. Wham right on top of each other.  I am thinking what if? Rolling around solutions? Discussion? That in the end really won’t make a difference since I have no control over the outcome and seriously my opinion isn’t wanted.  I know that sounds harsh and you might be saying “you don’t know that”, but it has been an ongoing issue and I have given my opinion many times in the past. It hasn’t been heard or discounted. So back to what if? Discussion? Playing it all over in my head again.

The problem is other people’s issues that I have no control over but I continue to ruminate on is draining me.  Not focusing on my stuff or even having the energy.  So when I popped into listen to  SHE Quest Estelle was talking about “stop caring so much”. I don’t mean switch off your empathy and compassion but stop caring about what other people think.

I can’t control these situations especially with people but I can “stop caring so much” about what they think and do if I have no control over it. I’ve said my peace and I have to let it go. Stop ruminating over what they do. As it is their journey not mine.  Keep the door open but I don’t have to walk through again and again and be defeated.

She also talked about “what am I willing to give up to have the life I want.”  This is a different take – it is usually what can I do to have the life I want.  Trying to carve out more time for this or that to create the life I want can be overwhelming! I mean really, I only have 24 hours in a day! But what if it is about giving up specific things to have the life I want?  A social media blackout two days a week?  Starting to limit or get rid of toxic relationships.  Feeling you have to be all things to all people.

WOW so instead of adding stuff to create the life I want.  What if I look hard at what I am doing and think seriously about what brings me joy? Moves me forward? Or what I am doing because I always have or it is someone else expectation.  What can I give up to get the life I want?

My take away is I am giving up my expectation that I can help solve other peoples’ problems when they are not willing to listen or put the work in themselves.  I will listen and brain storm if asked, but I’m done putting the work in with no work on the other end. Also I’m done (or working on) not playing what ifs over and over.

I have so many things I want to do and experience and ruminating about what if for other people has to go to create the life I want.

So what could you give up to create the life you want or move in that direction?  Maybe it isn’t always but adding stuff. Or maybe we have to eliminate stuff to allow space for possibilities to come in.

You can always start now!



15 thoughts on “Just what I needed to hear

  1. This is an important question and one that I think we can all ask. I had some health problems earlier this year and I knew that for a while, I had to just focus on the essential stuff, because I didn’t have the energy for much more than that. But this lesson really taught me that stopping some stuff didn’t actually change much, so rather than just putting it on hold for a while, I stopped some activities completely to make room for new ones. We can get into ways of thinking or routines of doing things, and sometimes it really helps to question some of the things that are taking up our time.
    Good luck with your plan – it’s hard to pull back when it looks as though someone is making a mistake, but ultimately people have to live their own lives and make their own mistakes.


  2. Great post – I am “known” for saying to people, if you truly want my opinion ask me, if you want me to say what you want to hear – no guarantees. Works like a charm and then I don’t get bogged down in other people’s issues and I can concentrate on making the life I want 🙂


  3. Amazing post! I have been guilty of ruminating as well as helping others when they were not willing to help themselves. Sometimes these people just want to vent and dump on you. I learned that is our right not to engage. Have a great week! xx


    1. Here here. Like they say put your own oxygen mask on first. I can go from zero to 200 in seconds over what if. It is something I have to work on. Focus on the here and now not on what if. Deal with that when and IF it actually happens. Easier said than done.


  4. I know what you mean and I guess we all in some ways have problem to manage the what if. I used to do that way more in the past years and affected my life a lot! Right now I came to conclusion that we also create our own worries and that we need to work on let go things and feelings that do not serve us no more. I practice daily mindfulness meditation and it helps a lot with all different things. Remember that we are what we think, our thoughts become our emotions and the emotions become feelings, how you choose to react to things creates your reality so where focus goes energy flows. I hope it make sense to you!


    1. Yes that made perfect sense to me. I have to work on not jumping to worse case scenario of something that hasn’t happened (and might not). To be more mindful and present. To enjoy right now as really that is all we have. Creating the life I want has to start with positive thoughts leading to joy leading to action. Thank you for commenting and sharing your wisdom.

      Liked by 1 person

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